I've got a subject that has been on my mind a lot ever since I was fairly well depressed about two years ago. A lot of people talk about happiness, saying things like "happiness is a choice" and "I'm going to choose to be happy today." I'm here to express my view on happiness, and explain why I think my view is not only true, but extremely important to understand.
The best place to start would be with my depression. During my depression, I wrote a paper on the subject itself, and read a lot of depression related books. There was a large spectrum of views on the subject. Here are some of the notable ones at their most extremes. (Many people who believe these have less extreme versions. These are my summaries.)
The Pamper View: This is the view that says you have absolutely no control or responsibility over your depression. You need people to pat you on the back and remind you it isn't your fault. You'll need to get on some medications, either until it goes away, or for life.
The Choice View: This is the view that says you are in complete control of if you are depressed pr not. It is likely something you did or are doing that is causing the depression, and you need to simply stop doing whatever it is to get over the depression. Medication is an excuse to not make the decision.
The Christianese View: This is similar to the choice view, but says that the problem is that you are not trusting Jesus enough or reminding yourself of His promises and reality, and that the solution is to trust Jesus more and remind yourself of His truth and reality. (Often times people don't know where the depression comes from, but say this is the solution.)
Now let's apply these specifically to happiness (depression is a slightly different issue) because the views are close enough. Some people think when we are sad we need to be pampered, and we have no control over it. They whine a lot when they are sad. Others on the opposite end say happiness is a choice. They hide when they are sad no matter what in hopes they can be happy by focusing on it enough. One book I read on depression was titled Happiness is a Choice and specifically said that everyone who followed the process in the book with their whole heart had found success, and that the process had to do with affirming truths of Jesus. (How convenient to label those it doesn't work for as simply doing it wrong!)
The Pamper View: The problem with the Pamper view is that we DO see a choice. We see that decisions we make effect our happiness, and we (obviously) have control over those decisions. There is more than enough experience in everyday life that we have a level of control over our mood.
The Choice View: The problem with the choice view is that sadness is an indicator for us that something is wrong! Pushing things aside that make us sad is dangerous, because sadness doesn't require just "choosing" to be happy, it often requires resolution. (Plus, from a Christian view, this doesn't make sense because we wouldn't need Jesus to be happy. We would simply choose happiness and then be happy with life.)
The Christianese View: This is the harder one to tackle, because Christianese is based on scripture (but not always its teachings, just legalism of its wordings). I could tackle this view in many ways, like showing where people in scripture are sad or called to mourn, but I think the best response is John 35:11 when "Jesus wept." Why didn't he choose to be happy? Doesn't he know His own truths? Isn't he perfect? It sounds like happiness isn't something to just be so quickly turned to.
Now, after quickly touching on these views, I present my own view, which I feel is a compromise of the truths of them all, while avoiding the discrepancies.
The Gift View: This is the idea that happiness is not found in a choice, but from realities. Happiness is drawn out of things that are true: we got a bonus check, we are just feeling naturally good, we are in love, a friend graduated, Jesus loves us, and more. Happiness is a gift that certain things gives us. Sometimes there are times when we just are overwhelmed with negative feelings, and we don't have room or ability to draw happiness out of the things around us.
It's rather like being a sponge underwater. We have good and bad water all around us, and we can focus on absorbing the good water (happiness) or the bad (sadness). Sometimes we are so surrounded by bad water that it is reasonable to be absorbing some of it (or much of it). Wringing ourselves out over and over with self talk is not going to make the bad water go away.
More often than not, we do have things to draw happiness out of, so in that way, we do have a choice. There are people who reject the gift of happiness. Still, to simply slap a label on every sadness as an issue of choice, I believe, is foolish. Like I said in response to the "choice" view, sadness is often an indicator that something is wrong! It is a gift to be sad, because we know something is bad (whether it is the situation itself, or the way we feel about it). It causes us to stop and look at a situation, and determine what is making us sad about it.
So when people say "I'm going to choose to be happy today," it usually informs me they have something to be sad about, and let's me know they are going to make an effort to ignore it. This can be like driving a car around that's breaking down, and choosing to continue driving it around, instead of stopping somewhere and getting it fixed. Driving it without fixing it will make the car worse!
Now, in clarification, I need to point out that there ARE times when simply changing our thought patters is the solution to sadness. How do we tell the difference? My answer is to figure out what the cause is. (I say often, "If the opposite of _____ is not the cause, then _____ is not the solution.") Some people are simply in a habit of dwelling on the negative things in their life, and they really need to just practice dwelling on good things instead of always looking to the bad. With relationship pains, there is often nothing to do about the painful emotions, and all that needs to happen is a person needs to work on moving past it and focusing on the good things they have.
Whatever must be done, we DO need Jesus! It's just that many times, what should be done is begun with him, but needs to be followed by more. If you don't have Him, your plans with fail. But if you only sit around "trusting" Him but not acting... I'd go as far to say you don't understand Him much at all. (Read the book of James.)
In conclusion, I think we need to spend more time thinking about why we are sad or happy, and less time "deciding" to be happy. If your friend was hurting, you wouldn't want them to fake a smile and keep damaging themselves (hopefully you don't, at least I wouldn't). So don't lie to yourself and say that your friends would rather you just smile and choose to be happy. If they do want a fake smile, they aren't your friends at all. Jesus designed us to work this way. Listen to Him and you'll succeed!
(And yes... although I think it's hilarious, I hate when people use the quote "When I get sad, I stop being sad and get awesome instead" in a serious manner.)
That's it! I hope you enjoyed it, and if you have any thoughts (agreements, additions, or disagreements), I would love to hear them! I love talking about important life topics :)
Music
And for today's music sampler, two very different songs!
Joshua Radin - Sunny Days (Sesame Street Theme)
